


The life of an average wizard

by Picasohasaballoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury, Dubious Morality, Gen, Harry Potter was raised by his parents, Harry does some questionable shit in the name of magic, Harry gets a happy childhood, Multi, No Boy-Who-Lived (Harry Potter), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Sane Voldemort (Harry Potter), Smart Harry Potter, The Author Regrets Everything, Warnings May Change, alternative universe, because voldemort, everyone is oc, he's still a shity person thou, tom didn't make 7 horcruxes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 02:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18489010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Picasohasaballoon/pseuds/Picasohasaballoon
Summary: Change a few details of the past and you have an entirely different present.In this present Harry grows up with his parents. There is no prophecy shaped guillotine hanging over his head, no expectations and no fame, but somehow trouble still manages to find him.





	The life of an average wizard

**Author's Note:**

> Beware,  
> This is a self-indulgent fanfic and English isn't my primary language.

Elton woods, near Potter cottage

 

Thursday was cloudier than Harry expected it to be. Standing atop of one of the older oak trees he saw that the whole sky was matted with different shades of gray. The wind howled around him, and the branch on which he sat creaked ominously. All of this however did not deter him, for what he lacked in common sense he compensated in determination.

Every motion the wind made seemed to have a physical effect upon the green-eyed stick of a person. It was just his luck that his intentions were in alignment with that of the wind's.

Doing one last sweep of his surroundings Harry was happy to find that there were no humanoid entities in the general vicinity, which meant that there was absolutely no-one to stop him from throwing caution, and himself, to the wind. So, down little Harry went falling like a 30 kg flightless bird from a height no sane 30 kg flightless bird would dare reach.

His body rippled through the air.

It was an uncomfortable feeling.

Harry had faith in his books, and from what the others have told him he wouldn't be hurt...but there were the dark nooks of his mind whispering about the squelching pop of bones and sinew.

_'Annoying little shits'_

The fall lasted no more than 4 seconds. All the while the uncomfortable feeling never left him. He felt a dip in his middle, as if he were a donut and not a boy, and there was something distinctly wrong with that. Unfortunately for Harry things weren't going to take a turn for the better anytime soon, in fact they were going to get much worse.

His torso was the first to hit the ground. And while he was in agony, his organs were playing squash, the role of the ball continuously changing from one organ to another.

(Well, at least now he could finally place that strange feeling he got while side-along apparating with uncle Snape...)

The pain was blinding. 

_'I-I can't breathe...'_

In a matter of seconds the lump of meat that was formerly known as a Hadrian James Potter lost consciousness, and he owed it all to internal bleeding.

Organ squash is a messy affair, don't let anyone tell you any differently.

The only thing that saved him from a rather embarrassing death was the same accidental magic he tried, and failed to get a hold of during the fall. It mended his organs and bones.

 

* * *

 

He woke up some odd 3 hours later hungry, tired and sore.

_'Was I knocked out while playing quidditch?'_

His blank memory didn't give a flicker of recognition at the thought.

He looked up. The little bit of sky that he could glimpse at was overcast.

Curiously enough, the sight seemed familiar.

His breath stank of iron. He had grazes all over, and his clothes were red. 

Not a good sign.

But he was alive, and that had to count for something.

His memory of the day still hasn't returned.

_'Any minute now...'_

But no such luck, waiting it out obviously wasn't getting any results.

_'Plan B it is, then'_

Harry sat down on the grassy earth, closed his eyes, and began to think.

_'I am wearing the fancier set of clothes, the ones reserved for grandma's feasts and Draco's events...today must be a special occasion then. I-I'm in Elton's, but that doesn't have to mean anything...'_

Beads of sweat trailed down his face. The heat was turning from mildly inconvenient too suffocating real fast and the frustration pooling in his gut wasn't helping matters either. If this continued, he would lose focus.

'C _alm down! What else do you know? Think! C'mon think, man!'_

But it was of no use, he lost focus, and his memory was still out of reach.

 _'Fuck! I can't tell which time of day it is 'cause of the sodding clouds, but I'm still sweating balls here 'cause we're in the middle of the bloody sum-_ _...i_ _t's my birthday. I'm a bloody idiot, is what I am.'_

All of this, the blood, the loss of memory, it was all due too the experiment, and it had obviously... _failed_.

If emotions could have mass, disappointment would weigh tons, and Harry felt like he was carrying three very obese elephants.

(It was quickly followed by denial, adding to the meta-weight.)

_'Why? Why would it have failed?'_

He was sure it would have helped him! It helped Neville and Draco and all those other kids. So, why wouldn't his save him? Was he a squib?

_'No way, mum and dad **told** me that I was changing Olliver's fur colour since I was 1. Was it broken? Could magic be broken?' _

So many questions filled his teeny-tiny head. Unfortunately they weren't accompanied by answers.

With nothing better to do, he started the long road back to the house, bickering with himself the whole way.

 

* * *

 

Potter cottage

 

Time was a rare commodity for the Potters. 

After their marriage both the Potter matriarch and patriarch abandoned the majority of the traditions laid down by their ancestors, be they Magical or Muggle. 

It was simply necessary.

One of the few things that they did keep, however, was the celebration of birthdays, a tradition shared between the Magical and Muggle community.These birthdays were always celebrated in the exact same manner.

For example on the 31st of July, which was Harry's birthday, James and Lily would take the whole day off. From breakfast until evening, when the grown-up portion of the guests arrived, he had his parents' full attention, which with their jobs had become a rarity, but Harry, being the child he was, has apparently decided to mix things up on his 11th birthday, without telling his parents about the changes. You see, it was time to welcome the evening guests, and he wasn't there.

The first guests, the Longbottoms, had already arrived, but Harry was nowhere in sight. This wouldn't have been such a problem had the Longbottoms had no children, but as it were their son, Neville, who was Harry's age, was sitting awkwardly at the coffee table with them.

James simpathised with the kid, he really did, but honestly what could he do?

"James, won't you go and get Harry? I'm sorry Neville, he probably got caught up playing in the woods."

 _'...well, apparently that was also an option_ '

"It's okay aunt Lily, I don't mind waiting."

James' day was tiring enough without an impromptu trip to the woods, where Harry undoubtedly was. Oh, sure he could apparate after he got out of the range of the house wards, but considering that they had a rather spacious backyard that extended too the edge of Elton's the prospect didn't bring him much joy. No, he had to at least try to reason Lily out of it!

(He only succeeded in worsening his wife's mood.)

"I sent my patronus half an hour ago, I'm sure he'll be here any moment now", Lily's hard stare made him reconsider, "...but I'll met him halfway, I was in need of stretching my legs anyway. Having a desk job does no favors for my physique I'm afraid."

Alice and Neville seemed amused, which was good. He could at least leave them in good spirits, but Lily...he truly pitied Harry.

 

* * *

 

 Just as James was about to step out both parents felt a lone presence step onto the property (ah, the perks of wards). His face broke out in a smile.

"See, Lils I told you he heard the message, and headed straight home."

In actuality Harry never saw the stag. He was unconscious at the time.

"Neville, he'll be here in 5."

The conversation picked up again, and not even five minutes later their son had stumbled through the front door.

Everyone turned to see the birthday boy, but something seemed to be very wrong.

Harry's clothes were tattered and dirty and so, so red.

Coincidentally, that's the only thing James could see.

There were no dangerous creatures in the woods, James made sure of it himself, that's why he was so confident in his son's safety, but seeing him like this he was seriously reconsidering leaving anything alive in the forest.

_'Could he have been attacked by somebody?'_

"Harry! What happened?! Are you okay? Who did this?!"

Lily was already at Harry's feat, holding his head in her hands. James was frozen stiff.

"I fell from a tree in Elton's, and blacked out", his son's face was covered in snot and tears, it was a sight James had hoped he would never see, "I was sooo scared mom."

_'How in the love of Merlin does a child get that much blood on his shirt from a fall!?'_

"It's okay, you're fine now. Does anything hurt?"

"No", both parents relaxed at this.

_'Thank every deity for accidental magic'_

Lily still checked for wounds, and thankfully found none.

"I'm going to get some ointment for these grazes", the kid's posture relaxed, and the tears seemed to still. He thought he was getting of without a punishment. A quick glance towards Lily showed him that Harry was dead wrong, "and you're grounded, for climbing trees, when I clearly warned you against it", it might seem harsh, but James had to agree. The kid almost gave him a heart attack.

Harry, for his part, looked appropriately shocked.

"...b-but mum wasn't the experience enough of a punishment?"

She just kissed the crown of his head, and let him go. Harry did not get a response.

Alice was the first to recover from the shock.

"Honey, you want to sit down?"

But Harry stood stiff as a log, his eyes glassy. 

James moved to gently guide him to the sofa.

"Uhm-are you okay, Harry?", Neville's voice was just above a whisper, but it managed to jog him out of his stupor.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine...sorry you had to wait for me."

He offered up a dumb smile-

"Considering the circumstances I'd say you're excused."

-and got a dumb smile in return. 

"Great! Then we cou-", the rest of the sentence went unheard as Alice brought him into a bone-crushing bear hug. She didn't seem to mind the dirt or the blood one bit, "Oh! Happy birthday Harry!"

He squeaked out an embarrassed 'thank you'.

Things settled down after that, and all the worry and angst dissipated. Now the only thing left to remind them of the incident was...all that blood still clinging to Harry.

The sight made James internally cringe.

"Did you get your letter?"

_'What if it hadn't reacted in time...'_

"I got the letter this morning, same as you. We still on for tomorrow?"

_'He would've died, my son would've been dead.'_

"Yeah, 9 o'clock sharp. Don't be late."

_'...I have no idea how my parents let me pull half the shit I did as a kid'_

"Well that really depends on dad here, but I don't think it's gonna be a problem."

_'who am I kidding, they were basically encouraging it...is that what I'm doing? Is this my fault? '_

"-right dad?"

"Oh! Sure, sure."

"See Nev, you have nothing to worry about."

 

* * *

 

 It couldn't be helped, Harry would have to shower before the ointment was applied. Lily loved her baby boy, but the trouble he got into was always timed at such inopportune moments...

"Harry, go upstairs and shower for Morgana's sake! Everyone will be here in a few minutes and I'm not going to make them wait for you", the cream was entrusted to Neville, he truly was a lovely boy, "Neville, won't you go with Harry, and help him get ready?"

"Sure thing, aunt Lily!"

The place where Harry had been sitting was smudged an ungly brown, thankfully a quick scourgify erased the reminder.

_'Honestly...'_

"Harry has always been a magnet for disasters, I'm just thankful that he attracts luck in equal measure", the comment was followed by a round of nervous laughter.

The adults settled into their conversation for the third time that evening.

 

* * *

After the mandatory shower, in Harry's room

 

  
  
If the mirror was anything to go by his back had taken the burnt of the fall.  
  
_'Figures that the only place I can't reach is the one I need to.'_  
  
Thankfully, Neville had been there to lend a hand. So, now both boys sat at the foot of Harry's bed, rubbing in the putrid smelling cream on every nick, graze and bruise.  
  
Neville hadn't spoken a single word since they went up, which would have been fine with Harry if not for the _smell_.  
  
He looked at his smeared fingers, and felt a queasiness in his stomach.  
  
"Ah, bullocks! This smells like dog piss...I'm gonna go open the window"  
  
Harry stood up. Every step he made was followed by a creak, it was as if the whole house was an ill-tuned instrument.  
  
The Potter cottage has lived long enough to see the end of four different families, which is an impressive feat considering the disaster that is the twentieth century.  
  
And even though time has done it's part dutifully (the creaky floorboards will attest), most of the layout has not been changed since it's foundation. Almost everything in the house is made of wood, so the browns and grays of ancient birch were all-encompassing, broken in only by the tones of well-worn rugs. Harry's room was much the same, a wooden closet, a wooden bed frame, a wooden desk. He even had wooden shutters over the lone window of the room, and now as he opened it he kept them firmly shut.  
  
He could almost feel Nev's gaze on his back.  
  
"So what actually happened?", Neville's tone was casual.  
  
"I didn't lie, I really did fall from a tree. I just didn't tell 'em that the fall was done on purpose", he grinned at Neville, who didn't seem impressed with the explanation.  
  
"Yeah, but why?", his tone was curious, "why would you do that?"  
  
_'Cause I want to fly'_  
  
"It seemed like a good idea at the time", a bland enough answer to satisfy Nev.  
  
Now, he only needed a new topic, a diversion...  
  
"I can't wait for tomorrow! Maybe we could go and find that new shop you've been talking about, Nev?", no response. Nev's face was all scrunched up.  
  
"You didn't fall."  
  
"Nev, I didn't lie. I really did-"  
  
"No. No, you didn't fall, you jumped, and I still don't get why...when I told you about the lake and the stairs it wasn't so that you could-", Harry was at a loss, this wasn't like Neville, "-back then I honestly thought I was gonna die."  
  
_'Ah'_  
  
"Well I knew I wouldn't, and besides Draco told me that his father had given him a knife to play with when he was 6 and that he left him to sleep outside in winter, so a lil' tumble-"  
  
Honestly, did he think him so weak? It was a bit insulting.  
  
"Don't be stupid, Harry! You should know that Malfoy's a right liar. He probably blew everythin' out of proportion. I don't know why you even asked 'im. It's dangerous an' it's stupid!", his tone mellowed out a bit, "The only reason parents even did that was cus they wanted to see if they should throw out the child or not, barbaric it is-"  
  
"Did? Don't you mean 'do'?"  
  
"No, I meant 'did', the ministry even outlawed it a few years back as a form of child abuse, after some squib clique stood an' protested, an' I agree wholeheartedly, but grans on the other hand didn't take it too well..."  
  
"Nev you really feel strongly about this, don't you?"  
  
His friend's gaze turned accusing.  
  
"Yeah I do, so what?"  
  
It was so strange to see the usually placid Neville so angry, about something so...stupid. It made him want to laugh, and that would be the completely wrong thing to do right now.  
  
"Nothing! Nothing!", he placated with a smile, "I just- it's just odd for you to be so...you know."  
  
The lame finish seemed to do the trick, as Neville's features softened.  
  
"Great...uhm, Harry, I think I heard some more voices downstairs. Won't your mum be upset that you're taking so long?"  
  
"Shit! You're right!"  
  
And so the scramble for clean clothes began.

* * *

 

Dinner time, Potter cottage

 

Sirius, as a disowned Black, could appreciate the little things much better than most people, such as get-togethers like this one.

Everything was great. Everyone was happy, and content (not taking a certain bat into account). No yelling, no accusations being hurled across the table, no waiting for the oncoming storm that was his mother's temper. It really was nice not being a Black. Truly.

He was so immersed in his thoughts that he almost missed James' annual speech completely.

"-can congratulate Harry for surviving the first 11 years of his life. It might not sound like much, but with Lily and me as parents, well son you are lucky to be stuck with just poor eyesight", laughter filled the room.

Sirius knew an opportunity, when he saw one;

"To our half blind Prongslet!"

"Hear, hear!"

Another bout of laughter with the added bonus of a red faced Harry, decent winnings all things considered.

"But in all seriousness, happy 11th birthday son!"

- _And we finally get the customary round of applause, which means it's time for some delicious home-cooked food!_ \- This was the only time of year when the elves didn't prepare the food, instead Lily and James would make everything together.- _Sweet, isn't it? Quality family bonding. And speaking of James..._

_'Merlin, Prongs, your speeches get longer every year!'_

As the commotion died down different dishes popped out of thin air only to gracefully land on the table. All kinds of foods littered the surface, but Sirius was looking for only one.

_'Where is it?'_

Sirius turned to his left, where Lily sat. She was eating dinner, unburdened by his troubles.

_'Time to change that'_

"Lily, dear, where did you put the roast? I can't seem to find it."

"Oh, that's 'cause I didn't make it this year", at those words my whole world fell apart, and only a single question was on my mind:

"What?!", Lily finally turned to face me fully, and after she got a good look at my stricken face had the audacity to snort.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I didn't know it meant so much to you", another snort, "but I made steak pie instead if you'd like to try?", grumpily I did as suggested if only to witness for myself how inferior this pie of steak is to my lovely roast.

Sirius took one look at the thing and grimaced.

_'One bite, that's all I need.'_

Timidly he took that one necessary bite, and found himself...not horrified. It was actually pretty good.

He wouldn't ever admit that to Lily, of course

And he wouldn't even need to, the third helping cued a certain green-eyed witch in. 

Our residential drama queen found his attention soon taken up by a conversation, one held between Wormtail and Harry no less.

Wormy traveled around a lot 'cause of his job. Harry made it his job to fill his honorary uncle in on everything he missed out while away.

"-and then Mr. Regulus promised to take me with him to China!"

  _'He did what?!_ ', this was news to Sirius. He dreaded the idea, but it seems he would need to have a talk with his brother, and soon.

 "Isn't that awesome?", Wormtail looked as nervous about Harry's revelation as Sirius felt. 

"Sure, but Harry what about your parents?"

_'Smart Wormy. Lily surely wouldn't have allowed this insanity!'_

"Well...I asked them."

"And?", Peter was prompting him now.

"Dad outright laughed, and mum didn't say anything, but if there is one thing I learned from those blasted-"

"Language!"

"-sorry mum, those -uhm- charming Latin lessons it's that 'qui tacet consentire videtur', sooo I basically have mother's blessing, and her opinion is the one that really matters!"

Prongs spluttered out rebukes and Sirius would have sworn that he had heard a quiet "damn straight" coming from his left just then.

They were truly his favourite couple.

"You know, I've never gone to China, but I heard a lot about it."

 "Yeah?", the kid's eyes were sparkling

 "Yeah. I heard they have a magical village in the eastern part of the country populated solely by dark wizards, the Muggles call them the 'Wild men'. They even have a beetle that is an exception to the five Principal Exceptions of Gamp's Law! "

 "Wow!", and now they were glowing. If he wasn't determined to go before, he definitely was now.

_'Great fucking job, Wormy'_ , the man in question finally noticed Sirius glaring daggers in his direction, and tried to remedy the situation.

 "B-but those are all rumours."

_'Too late for that buddy'_  

* * *

 

Way later that night, Potter cottage

 

 Another stupidly generic question was coming their way. Neville could almost feel it.

 "Have you boys thought about which house you'll be in?"

  _'...and bingo. I truly did not expect this from you, Mr. Lupin.'_

 "Huh?"

 His bestfriend was such a fib sometimes.

 "What do you mean which house Monny? He'll be in Gryffindor of course, like his ma and pa, won't you, son?"

 Maybe that part of his personality came from uncle James?

 "I don't-"

 "Knowing Harry he would go to Slytherin just to be contrary."

 "Not true!"

 "Don't offend my house, Alice."

_' Wow, Mr. Snape actually spoke to someone other than aunt Lily'_

 "Aw, come on uncle Sev admit it, you secretly want me in your house so you can finally win the Quidditch Cup."

 "It's not worth the points you will surely lose on a daily basis."

 To Neville's right Harry sat, and to his right Neville heard a rather painful screeching of wood against wood.

 No doubt the idiot is standing right now.

 Harry just simply was not good for anyone who wanted to have a decently enjoyable dinner.

 "So, you admit I could actually win it?!"

 

"...don't be so arrogant boy."

 

_ 'Huh. Would you look at that. Even Mr. Snape screws up sometimes. It almost made it worth Harry's dramatical chair act.'  _

 "Now that we've solved Harry, where do you think you'll go, Neville?", everyone turned to him.

  _'Thanks a lot aunt Lily...'_

 "Uhm-maybe Huffelpuff? I dunno..."

 "The house of the loyal and hardworking? Nah. I say, Neville, you would fit right in with the lions", uncle James said all of that with a smile. Was he serious? Me? In Gryffindor? Nuts. That's what he is.

  _'But is he? Wouldn't it be nice to be with Harry even in Hogwarts?_ _'_

I can do that in any house. I don't need to follow Harry's every step.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"It's okay, Neville honey, whatever house you're in I'll still be proud!"

_'...thanks for the vote of confidence, mum'_

Why do adults have to make everything weird? Like sorting for example, before this conversation he hadn't even given it a thought, but now it was just another thing he would have to feel ashamed about. He knew everyone thought him a failure, his mum, grandma, uncle, even da-

"The house doesn't matter so much as the fact that we are actually going to Hogwarts, right Neville?"

"-Huh? Right, right!"

Harry's interruption managed to drag him out, but one thought still resonated deeply.

_'Morons...'_

* * *

Way later that night, in Harry's room

 

It was stupid. It really was.

People don't celebrate their birthdays for themselves, but rather for their guests, and that's why Harry found himself in his room, listening to the muffled laughter from downstairs alone, instead of being downstairs, listening to their half-drunk rambilngs and laughing along.

He would've gone to his place by the stairs, but-

Light shone into his room from the hallway.

"Harry, love, you asleep?", she said it so softly, that it almost made him forgive her for the transgression of sending him to bed on his eleventh birthday.

"No. I was waiting for you."

"Good, good, well does anything hurt?", she came to sit on the bed, beside him, "take of your shirt, I want to see how everything healed up."

There was silence.

"You put way to much paste on these, but from what I can tell you'll have no battle scars", she kissed the crown of his head, "good night, dear."

She turned to leave.

"Mum, wait. Who's left?"

She was already at the door, the blasted thing creaked like it was trying to answer in mum's stead.

"Your uncle Sirius, he's going to stay here for a few days, so don't expect there to be any leftovers tomorrow."

She was trying to placate him...

Well, he had to comend her, it did work.

"That's great. Good night, mum."

The door ceased it's creaking, and Harry sank into the river Lethe.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, the words Harry uses in his internal monologues are complex, but you have to remember that here Harry views himself a whole lot differently than in canon. He feels 'posh' so his thoughts are also going to be posh.   
> I would have loved to have written more about the interactions between the guests at Harry's birthday party...especially between the adults, as I do have a lot of material to work with, but I fear that the story would have devolved into one great sitcom and my aim is certainly not to rewrite "friends" into the hp universe nor to compete with Oda-sensei (bc he has the patience of a fucking saint). I even left out the Potter kitty...although I may include a prototype scene with Harry and Tom where the kitty cat is mentioned. Who knows.


End file.
